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Answering a loaded question: What do you do? (nontrad careers)

Answering a loaded question: What do you do? (nontrad careers)

January 30, 2012 by · 5 Comments

In November I had the opportunity to attend Share New York conference. We broke out into groups and suddenly I found myself in a conversation revolving around the common small talk question of “What do you do?” or more so how to answer the question.

What’s so complicated about answering a simple question as “What do you do?” Well it’s tough for us who are unemployed, underemployed or not where we pictured ourselves to be in our careers or our lives.

Take for example my friend who found herself at a wedding table full of doctors and lawyers. She has a bachelor’s degree, and even further education (she’s a smart cookie), but is working at a retail store. She answered the question by saying she worked at the store. She felt embarrassed and ashamed.

Many people in my group at the conference found themselves in her shoes at one time or another. One was an artist who taught part-time and worked at a coffee shop part-time. Some were students, completely riddled with anxiety over the fact they were entering a less than certain job market wanting to know social graces. I know the feeling – I too have experienced a cold sweat when asked the question. When you’re not where you thought you would be in your life or your career you feel like a failure – but you’re not.

This same friend who works in retail runs a very successful blog, does catering and even offers cooking lessons. But yet she answered she’s in retail. Just because a job is how you pay the bills, doesn’t mean that’s what you do, or who you are. A job is just a job – it doesn’t have to be a career. She could have easily answered “I’m a blogger and a chef.” and been 100% truthful.

When you are many things it is difficult to pick one, or two to share, but trust your gut and go with your instincts. I am willing to wager that as we move towards economic recovery many of us will be more than one thing at one time, and that’s ok. In many cases, employers (especially forward-thinking ones) will actually treasure that you are multi-faceted. Being a programmer, who is also interested in art, shows that you have a creative flair, and that’s an asset.

Am I unemployed? Technically yes. But I am also a blogger and writer (soon to be author). I have forged my own path, and I know that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Answering a loaded question: What do you do? (nontrad careers)
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  • Katie

    YES. I spent a stint doing nannying/working at retail even though I had my bachelor’s (at a private university! as a National Merit Scholar! with a double major! and having studied abroad!). And now I’m working an impressive sounding professional job that’s not at all related to my degree and which, I’m discovering, I absolutely hate. So now I hate to answer that question because I don’t want to have to talk about what, to me, is a miserable industry in which I feel way out of my depth.

    It’s always been that way, though. I think sometimes people, in trying to be encouraging to a kid or teenage, can make the adult that kid becomes feel forever inadequate. People always said, “You’re the smartest person I know!” and expected that I would grow up to be some amazing career woman. A classmate once told me, “I know you’ll go to Harvard or Yale because you’re just so smart.” People posited I would be a scientist or a renowned professor or a doctor or whatever.

    So when I didn’t go to an Ivy League school, I felt like I was letting people down. And when I worked retail, I was letting them down. And now I’m letting them down because I’m not excited about this job or rushing to climb the corporate ladder.

    And it’s probably all in my head, but how do you tell people you want to be a stay-at-home mom and dabble in writing when you know exactly that confused and disappointed look? “Oh, but you were always so smart…I just assumed you would make something of yourself.”

    And okay. /end rant. Obviously this post hit a nerve with me. Good job! ^_^

    • Anonymous

      Thanks so much for your honest comment Katie! Yes, I struggle with this all the time. (Admittedly I sometimes struggle to try not to be one of those judgmental people.)

      At the end of the day, I think everyone should learn to follow their heart and they’re life’s true passions, because that’s the only way they are going to be satisfied and happy. 

      It is important, of course, to pay the bills. But many can do with a lot less than they think, giving them more freedom to pursue what they wish.

      So if you want to write – then write! Start a blog, a book or whatever. You never know where that path may lead you.

  • Rebecca

    This was refreshing to read! In the past three years, I have earned a Master’s degree, began a career, quit that career, started working a minimum wage job, and am about to become a mostly-stay-at-home mother. And you know what? I am more content on this unexpected path than I ever was on the path of overachievement and “success.” My husband and I have had to make lifestyle adjustments and push back some goals (such as owning a home again), but we have faith that we are traveling the right road for our life. The hardest part, though, has been answering the questions about which you wrote. Since I was a child, I always had impressive answers; I was the smart, driven, mature girl. I’m shocked at how humbling the experience has been, but I suppose that is a benefit in the long run as well. 

    Thank you for sharing!

  • http://www.carriehavranek.com/ writercarrie

    I think no matter what you do, people are going to ask questions, but I’m with you. No matter what you do: own it! :)  
    That being said, I’ve seen my sister go from working at a photo agency in NYC to being laid off to working at NBC to being laid off and then work as a nanny for a couple of years, only to now in the past year work as a permalancer, back in her industry doing photo work. Those other experiences gave her insights that are irreplaceable, so I think no matter what you “do” as your job, it’s important to keep a perspective that it, too, may pass–and does not have to be permanent. That’s the blessing–and the curse–of life today. 

    • Anonymous

      Well said Carrie – own it! :)